Well I had hoped that all the crap would blow over during the holidays but it hasn't. Yesterday was horrible. Today, not as horrible as yesterday but horrible none-the-less. Our new boss starts Monday and we will see what happens then. I feel so out of sorts. My self-identity and my life is all wrapped up in this job and this school. I went to the elementary today and was thinking about Landry in kindergarten there and guess what I did? Yep you guess it ....bawled. I am pretty much a daily bawler at this point.
I am sucking on my 5k training. I am stressed and depressed and that is not a good combination for making myself get out and run. I did get my crazy meds changed so maybe they will kick in soon. Hopefully they will make me all of a sudden, sane, skinny, motivated and a positive thinker! I don't know if you can get all that in a little pill but at least I have hope.
Its so dumb when you are thinking about leaving something (or someone) sometimes you get all misty and start romantizing. I find myself doing this. Like I notice how pretty the leaves are on the play ground or I think about he brick on the patio there with Landry's name on it. I wonder if they would notice if I pulled it up and took it with me. I paid for the godforsaken thing!!
I think about how much I loooove my computer and my new flat screen monitor. I think about how nice it is to not have someone looking over my shoulder and making me feel nervous. I love that I pretty much do my own thing. But then I have to go down to the convenience store to use the bathroom so I won't have to confront anyone in the ladies room and it puts it all in a different light again. I am on an emotional rollercoaster.
For about the millionth time in my life I am wishing I was the kind of person that came from a long generation of people who stayed married, stayed in one place, lived in one house and spent their whole lives doing the same job and having pretty much no upheaval. How do you get to be one of those??
When God said "stable" I thought he said cable and I said "give me lots of variety"....
That is pretty lame and as you can probably tell I made that up right quick. My dad used to say "When God was handing out Noses I thought he said "Roses" and I said "Give me a big red one!"...his version is funnier.
I wonder if it is possible to die from drinking too much diet coke??
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
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4 comments:
First of all, I want the pills that do all that stuff - wouldn't that be great? Second of all, buck up. I can't tell from your blog exactly what is going on. BUT don't let people be mean to you. Hold your head high. Don't let them push you to another job. If you WANT another job, that's another story. And those people who stay married, stay in one job, all that. Yes, I wish I was one who stayed married. But the same job? Same house? That doesn't sound like fun. New jobs, new houses, new friends - those are growing experiences. I think they are good for us. Hang in there.
Thanks Linda...you are the coolest.
Thanks Linda...you are the coolest!
LaRae
Hang in there - my crazy meds helped me get skinnier...I think...maybe it was weight watchers - maybe lexapro - who knows! I think you rock Larae so hang in there!
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