Depressing Death Blog

I had to meet with a financial guy today to do benefits for next school year. I bought $25,000 worth of life insurance. I need about $300,000. I also need disability and some other things but I can't afford them. Blah. I can't even really afford the $25,000 I bought. I was just thinking though, GOD FORBID something happened to me WHAT would I do? I mean, if I was dead I guess I wouldn't DO anything but you know what I mean.

I absolutely can not die for any reason because I have to take care of Landry. Paul can't do it. I mean, he just can't. Doesn't that sound horrible? I mean, he loves Landry and all that, but he honestly doesn't have a clue about the day-to-day responsibilities of taking care of a child.

A couple of years ago I had to go to Vegas. To get there I had to engage in the act of Flying. I am scared to death of flying. What I mean by that is that I am scared to death of dying in a firey crash. I had to have MUCH medication to get me there and back. Anyway, long story short, Landry had to stay with Paul. We had a conversation before I left that went something like this

ME: OMG! I AM SO FREAKING OUT ABOUT FLYING, I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!
PAUL: WELL YOU WEREN'T THAT FREAKED OUT WHEN YOU WENT TO CANCUN.
ME: THAT IS BECAUSE LANDRY WAS WITH ME AND I KNEW IF WE DIED WE'D DIE TOGETHER
PAUL: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, THAT YOU WOULD RATHER LANDRY DIE WITH YOU THAN YOU DIE AND LEAVE HIM WITH ME?
ME: YES, UNEQUIVOCALLY YES.
PAUL: $#%%&&; &&%;@!!
ME: WHAT?
PAUL: *%$## (%%$##@ ((&$@@##. *&$%!!&!!
ME: I REST MY CASE.

NOTE TO ALL FEMALES: PLEASE CONSIDER CAREFULLY WITH WHOM YOU CHOOSE TO FORNICATE, BEFORE BECOMING IMPREGATED THUS ELIMINATING THE NEED TO HAVE THESE KINDS OF CONVERSATIONS/DIFFICULTIES . EXTREME CAUTION IS ADVISED.

I know Wes would want to help but we aren't even married and what right would he really even have? My brother....doesn't really WANT kids, and has a crazy life working nights and stuff....and again, what rights would HE have? My mom....she would love him like I do but...again crazy life. Not that stable right now. My Dad? HELL NO! My friend Sarah is about as close as you can get to being a "mom-just-like-me" but they don't have the money to raise another kid. All my other friends just have their hands full.

Its all a moot point anyway cause Paul would get him and promptly ruin him. ha ha Hopefully its a doubly moot point because I am NOT, I repeat, NOT going anywhere without a helluva fight. I love that boy too much to even contemplate it.

So I guess, if something happened to me these would be my wishes:

He can live with Paul and Wes. They will just have to figure out a way to co-habitate peacefully. My mom has to move to San Angelo and take care of feeding him and getting him to and from school and stuff. Sarah has to come over at least once a day and give him some mommy-love. My brother has to quit being a cop and coach Landry's teams and stuff. Everyone can just move into my big freaking mansion that they buy with my $25,000 life insurance policy. HA That shouldn't be too inconvenient for everyone should it?