God I am so nauseous

I am about to Ralf. I am sooo nauseous. The kind where you get hot and your spit gets thick and you start tasting lemons. At least thats how I describe it. NO I'm NOT PREGNANT. Probably the antithesis of pregnant. I got up this morning and took cold medicine, drank some coffee, then took TWO birthcontrol pills chased with a diet coke. ARGH. DON'T EVER LET ME DO THAT AGAIN. I was looking for an appropriate picture to go with this blog but all the pictures of vomit were making me, well, want to vomit so I decided ixnay on the icturepay.

I had a FABULOUS weekend. THE BEST. I am just really in love. I know, groan, moan, eyeroll. Well stop it cause I am! I have never felt so confident that something might actually work. Do you know how scared I am to write that?? Number one, I don't want to jinx it. Number two, I don't want anyone to be cheapening my feelings by doubting them. It is so true. He is just so GOOD and open hearted. He keeps me safe and he adores me. I really know that. His heart is open. That is the only way I can describe it. He isn't bitter or closed off or resentful. His heart is open to me and to God. He wants and strives to be a better man. He is my best, best, friend. I don't have to lie to Wes, I can just be. He accepts me.
Dear, God, please don't let me be wrong. Please.

I took Landry to the dentist this morning to get sealants on his teeth. It made me feel like a good mom. I wrote a check for his lunch ticket today. It made me feel like a good mom. He hugged me like crazy in the hall of the elementary school and people were looking. It made me feel like a good mom. :)

My friend Paige needs help. I don't know what to do to help her. If you read my blog say a prayer for her please. Also for me to be the kind of friend I need to be for her.

I threw away my cigarrettes this morning. Again, you say. Yes, again. And I will continue to do so until I am victorious over the little stinking bastards. They stink and they make my head hurt and they make me hate myself for being powerless against them. I do so good until I have a crisis, or mom has a crisis, or Paige has a crisis. I KNOW that the stupid things don't help a bit with said crisis but I ususally cave. I have to try to be strong.

God, I am so nauseous. I wanna barf and get it over with but then I will barf up my birth control pills and will probably be pregnant for sure. We can't have that. Absolutely can not - nauseous or no nauseous - I will hold them in till they are dissolved in my bloodstream and go on about their sperm- kicking business.

Weird thing. I ran spell checker on this and it tried to substitute virtuousness for birth control pills. What is up with that??????? Well isn't that ironic??